Thursday, September 16, 2004
Picture on the Wall
I have a picture on the wall that my son drew for me. It is simple, hard to decipher, and one of my most prized possessions.
The picture is someone looking in a cave. The spelunker has a flashlight and a rope around their waist. Above (or it could be further in the cave) a ghost with a miners helmet lurks. Both are smiling but with different kind of smiles. The sun is peeking out of the clouds .
If you look real close, in the middle of the cave, you can just barely read two words, "Anthony" and "Dad". Everytime I look at the picture I look for those words. There is something about the word "Dad" that makes me feel loved.
Anthony has just started 1st grade at Valley Crossing. His pictures have gotten better, he's added more color, better features, more detail, but I will always keep this picture. It reminds me how much he needs me and how important I am to him.
The picture is someone looking in a cave. The spelunker has a flashlight and a rope around their waist. Above (or it could be further in the cave) a ghost with a miners helmet lurks. Both are smiling but with different kind of smiles. The sun is peeking out of the clouds .
If you look real close, in the middle of the cave, you can just barely read two words, "Anthony" and "Dad". Everytime I look at the picture I look for those words. There is something about the word "Dad" that makes me feel loved.
Anthony has just started 1st grade at Valley Crossing. His pictures have gotten better, he's added more color, better features, more detail, but I will always keep this picture. It reminds me how much he needs me and how important I am to him.
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This is flightless parrots, checking to make sure that it really is as easy as it seems to choose "post as anonymous" and by-pass blogger's off-putting sign-in process. And yes, it is.
I chose not to be a parent in this life, and I have no regrets, but sometimes I am aware that there is a part of my heart that will never be explored in this life--a certain cave that will never have the word "Mom" written on it. There is some grief attached to this knowledge. But you makes your choices and you pays your price.
I am excited to be having the experience of not-being a parent: it is its own adventure.
The thing is, there is no way to have the experience of being a parent in this life and also not-being a parent in this life. There are approximations of each state, but basically they are mutually exclusive. While I do not "believe in" reincarnation, it sure makes a lot of sense, because this soul wants BOTH experiences...
One thing I appreciate about your blog is that I get a look into that parent life, which you record so well.
I chose not to be a parent in this life, and I have no regrets, but sometimes I am aware that there is a part of my heart that will never be explored in this life--a certain cave that will never have the word "Mom" written on it. There is some grief attached to this knowledge. But you makes your choices and you pays your price.
I am excited to be having the experience of not-being a parent: it is its own adventure.
The thing is, there is no way to have the experience of being a parent in this life and also not-being a parent in this life. There are approximations of each state, but basically they are mutually exclusive. While I do not "believe in" reincarnation, it sure makes a lot of sense, because this soul wants BOTH experiences...
One thing I appreciate about your blog is that I get a look into that parent life, which you record so well.
# posted by 
: September 16, 2004 at 2:46 PM
: September 16, 2004 at 2:46 PM
I often think about the choices I have made and how my life is shaped because of those choices. Life as a parent has determined the jobs I have, how my free time is spent, and even how I see the world. Meanings of words are different and appreciation for my parents has changed the instant my sons were born.
Tim, I have pondered that very question and I have concluded that I am neither. I think that Anthony see us as almost one person so I feel that I am the rope that he will use to get out of the cave. I'm sure I am way over analyzing this picture but it makes me happy to think I am his foundation of safety.
I'm sure if you ask Anthony in a few years he will say I am the ghost and to get off his case.
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Tim, I have pondered that very question and I have concluded that I am neither. I think that Anthony see us as almost one person so I feel that I am the rope that he will use to get out of the cave. I'm sure I am way over analyzing this picture but it makes me happy to think I am his foundation of safety.
I'm sure if you ask Anthony in a few years he will say I am the ghost and to get off his case.
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