Oh Boy, Oh Boy, Oh Boy!

School starts tomorrow and I find myself asking myself important questions.

-1- What do I want my students to learn?

-2- How will I know if they have learned it?

-3- What will I do if/when they don't learn it?

I like to have an answer for these questions before I start teaching. I find it easier for the students when they know why the hell they are in my class.

I have this vision of being a well read, being able to refer to great literature in dealings with people. It makes you look smart and who doesn't want to look smart.

That said, I have little time. Even this summer when I did not have a paying job I didn't have enough time to read as much as I wanted. Nate is a walking accident, Mike is potty training so needs a reminder every few minutes not to crap in his pants, and Anthony just needs someone to constantly look at him. Now that school has started, unscheduled time is even more rare.

I also have an addiction. I love computer games. For some male reason, I find myself spending WAY TOO much time playing Gothic II, Madden 2004, or just solitaire. Why the hell do I play solitaire? It must be an addiction.

I have therefore come up with a way around these roadblocks. Currently I am reading eight strategically selected books. These books have been picked books from eight different genres: autobiography, travel, science fiction, fantasy, modern fiction, classic, political, and history. I have then placed these books all over our home so if a situation ever gives me 15 sec. of free time I can grab a book and read a sentence or two. Because these books are so different I do not have much trouble mixing them up.

This system has given me a taste of lots of literature without having to spend alot of time reading. This system also helps me fill that uncomfortable silence when you are forced to meet someone new. I can now always ask someone what they are reading and depending on their response I can tell them what I am reading.

Here could be a typical conversation:

Charlie: "So what are you reading?"

Charlie's Boss: "I am actually reading (fill in any book here)."

Charlie: "How cool! I am actually reading a (fill in any genre) book too. I have just started (fill in appropriate book). "

Last week I had to go to a district meeting and talk with 500 people I did not know. At one point the presenter told us to find a person we did not know and introduce yourself, she then blew a whistle and told us to do it again. This repeated four or five times.

I had the same conversation with every person.

About three weeks ago, my youngest son and I were reading the Sunday paper. We weren't actually reading the paper, we were both just looking at the pictures. Mike found a rather plain section with a pig, a cow, and a few people on it and asked me what it was. I told him it was a picture of the State Fair where people go to see animals and eat french fries.

What I didn't tell him was that it was also a place people go to get sunburn and walk until their feet swell to the size of a prize winning watermelon.

I was distracted as I was looking at the pictures of the Olympics and did not notice that Mike was studying this section with great intensity. If I had noticed, I would have immediately distracted him by doing a push up and snatched the section from him. He stated asking some more questions;

"What is this?"

"Fireworks."

"What is this?"

"Oh, I think it is a milk shake."

"Who is that?"

"Well, actually, that is a person made out of butter."

It was then I realized what was happening and it was too late to turn back. I tried to distract, no good. I tried to tickle, no go. I called for Sarah, again, nothing.

Needless to say, ever morning for three weeks, Mike wakes up asking how many more days until "Fireworks!". And, as all fathers who loves their sons more than anything must reply, "Just 5 more days honey."

I do not think the word “courting” is used enough anymore. It sounds old fashion, proper, and desperate. But courting is exactly what I was doing when I started dating Sarah.

I first met Sarah at a Macalester College swimming meeting with our athletic director Ken Andrews. The meeting was required by the NCAA to inform the athletes of the recruiting penalties. The irony of this meeting is that Macalester’s swim team consists of eight guys and maybe ten girls. To suggest Macalester was violating recruiting rules was like accusing Paul Wellstone of being a Texas Republican. Traditionally at these meetings, we would torment Ken. One year, just after the movie “A Fish Called Wanda” came out, Greg Young kept saying “K…K…Ken is c…c…coming to k…k…kill me!”.

Sarah came late with another freshman that we later gave the moniker “Eric The Lush”. I later learned that Sarah and Eric were at a party and were not going to swim but after a few decided to give it a try. She came into the meeting made me slide over and sat next to me. I was smitten from then on.

When we actually tried to start dating we were met with endless roadblocks. Every date we had was a disaster. Our first date was to Mac Cinema. Stan, my roommate, suggested we go see “Freaks”. It was good, he insisted, or maybe he had just heard it was. It was the worse movie I had ever seen. It was literally a movie with circus freaks. There was a bearded lady, pen-heads, flipper boy, etc. Sarah and I had nothing to say to each other after the movie. We were stunned.

Our next fiasco was “Clockwork Orange”. This could have been ok if I had not been sloppy drunk. I remember Eric The Lush passing me a bottle of beer, dropping it, asking for another, dropping it, etc. Sometime during the movie I had to leave to relieve myself and I can not remember if I lost my way back to the movie or it I just decided to go home but the next thing I knew, I woke up with a terrible headache.

Both Sarah and I liked each other but we both felt that our experiment was about to come to an end. My friend JT suggested a movie “The Adventures of Barron Munchausen”. He had not seen it but thought it looked interesting. In a last gasp desperate attempt to see if the Cauthorn/Smith union could work, we left on our date.

I was so nervous. I knew that this could be my last chance to woo Sarah, to make up for my first impressions. It had to something special.

I was wrong. It did not have to be special; it only needed to be fair. “The Adventures of Barron Munchausen” was reasonably good but as I sat next to Sarah and could tell by her reactions that she was not repulsed, I laughed. I laughed so hard that it made Sarah chuckle. I laughed with such relief that when Eric Idle started running for the first time, tears were coming down my face.

Most importantly, Sarah was now laughing too.

Lyle Lovett sings a song “Fat Babies” where he says; “I like you because you like me and you don’t like much”. That night I knew that I liked Sarah and “The Adventures of Barron Munchausen” for giving me a chance to continue to court Sarah. I have not seen “The Adventures of Barron Munchausen” sense and I do not know if I will, but I will always remember that night, holding Sarah’s hand thinking I still had a chance.

Beware: Cute kid story ahead!

The other day, Nathaniel, Mom and I were looking through a Halloween costume magazine when my mother saw a Garfield costume.

"Michael would look cute in that costume except Garfield looks so grumpy." commented Elizabeth.

With a shock like discovering something for the first time, Nate said, "That's OK BeBe, Michael is grumpy!"

After watching the kids this afternoon, I realized Nate is exactly right.

Nap time Michael!

I found myself trying to fix a "Slinky" today.

Question 1: Has anyone really every been successful fixing a slinky?
Question 2: How could something so simple get so tangled?
Question 3: Why do we own a slinky?
Question 4: I wonder how much they cost and if Target will sell me one at 2:30 in the morning?