Monday, May 05, 2008
The Music Man
My mid-life crisis is manifesting itself in very peculiar ways. I have started running, swimming, and biking. I have been having a renewed appreciation for my wife's curves. And I have been listening to a ton of new music.
Music has always been an interest. I have a distinct memory of buying my first album, Face Dances, by the Who. I remember being nervous spending so much money on an item that I did not know anything about. Was I going to like it? Self-conscious that the clerk would think I was an idiot, yet at the same time, being so excited to own some of my own music.
I listened to it non-stop and I think I can still recite the lyrics to You Better You Bet.
I have not purchased music with those emotions in many years. With age comes confidence, prudence, and maybe even some wisdom. That clerk is no longer a cool teenager, they are possible students of mine.
But lately, I have been buying new music with the mindset of a spendthrift, with lack of knowledge of a boy, and with the excitement of owning something for the first time.
Just last week I bought the CD, Sounds of Silver, by LCD Sound System. Why this CD and not something more mainstream? Maybe because I wanted something unique but I believe that it is because I know absolutely nothing about techno that drew me to make this whimsical purchase. I felt all those familiar feelings buying the CD. That same clerk who I looked down on a month ago, now was causing me to feel hesitation.
My hands trembled when I open the CD. I hid the case from Sarah because I knew she would not approve of the $14 spent. I examined the artwork. I read about the artists. I knew I had to listen to it in private for fear of being discovered so I had to wait until I got to work to steal a listen.
How could I not love it.
The first time through was fun and exciting. As I started to listen to it again, and again, I found other reasons to like it. My favorite song today is called All My Friends which is ironically about looking back on ones life and seeing where you have come and seeing who made the journey with you. "You spent the first five years trying to get with the plan, and the next five years trying to be with your friends again."
Where has my journey taken me? Who made it with me?
Music has always been an interest. I have a distinct memory of buying my first album, Face Dances, by the Who. I remember being nervous spending so much money on an item that I did not know anything about. Was I going to like it? Self-conscious that the clerk would think I was an idiot, yet at the same time, being so excited to own some of my own music.
I listened to it non-stop and I think I can still recite the lyrics to You Better You Bet.
I have not purchased music with those emotions in many years. With age comes confidence, prudence, and maybe even some wisdom. That clerk is no longer a cool teenager, they are possible students of mine.
But lately, I have been buying new music with the mindset of a spendthrift, with lack of knowledge of a boy, and with the excitement of owning something for the first time.
Just last week I bought the CD, Sounds of Silver, by LCD Sound System. Why this CD and not something more mainstream? Maybe because I wanted something unique but I believe that it is because I know absolutely nothing about techno that drew me to make this whimsical purchase. I felt all those familiar feelings buying the CD. That same clerk who I looked down on a month ago, now was causing me to feel hesitation.
My hands trembled when I open the CD. I hid the case from Sarah because I knew she would not approve of the $14 spent. I examined the artwork. I read about the artists. I knew I had to listen to it in private for fear of being discovered so I had to wait until I got to work to steal a listen.
How could I not love it.
The first time through was fun and exciting. As I started to listen to it again, and again, I found other reasons to like it. My favorite song today is called All My Friends which is ironically about looking back on ones life and seeing where you have come and seeing who made the journey with you. "You spent the first five years trying to get with the plan, and the next five years trying to be with your friends again."
Where has my journey taken me? Who made it with me?
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Searching For Bobby Fischer
I watch this move for the fourth time last night. It moves me every time I watch it.
I think I am so affected because the child actor is so wonderful. The first time I watched the movie, when it was over, I just thought how great the movie was. The next time I watched the movie, I started to understand that one reason I loved this movie was how natural the child acted. I did not feel for one moment that he was acting.
There is a scene in the movie where the mother and father are arguing about being too hard on their son and the mother says, "He's not afraid of losing. He's afraid of losing your love. How many ball players grow up afraid of losing their fathers' love every time they come up to the plate?". Dad replies, "All of them!".
This hit right at the heart. I want my sons to excel, I want to give my sons every opportunity to shine, but I do not want them to be afraid of losing my love. And yet, is that what it takes to make your children great?
I hope not.
I think I am so affected because the child actor is so wonderful. The first time I watched the movie, when it was over, I just thought how great the movie was. The next time I watched the movie, I started to understand that one reason I loved this movie was how natural the child acted. I did not feel for one moment that he was acting.
There is a scene in the movie where the mother and father are arguing about being too hard on their son and the mother says, "He's not afraid of losing. He's afraid of losing your love. How many ball players grow up afraid of losing their fathers' love every time they come up to the plate?". Dad replies, "All of them!".
This hit right at the heart. I want my sons to excel, I want to give my sons every opportunity to shine, but I do not want them to be afraid of losing my love. And yet, is that what it takes to make your children great?
I hope not.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Gift of the Magi
Lately I have been thinking about alternative ending to stories. I believe the root of this is that I am somehow trying to make them more relevant to my life and because I am 40, my life seems at times unfulfilled.
One story I have changed is the Gift of the Magi. This story, if my 40 year old brain is still firring, is about a very poor couple who both make incredible sacrifices for each other and in the process make each others sacrifice meaningless. This is the story that 10th grade English Teachers use to teach irony.
I have always loved this story because I can imagine the couple opening there gifts and knowing that they are with the right person. They had chosen a partner who had given away their most prized possession for the person they loved. Each person, after realizing this, would share a gaze, a smile and the scene would fade.
What if...
After the gaze and smile, the couple starts to argue over their folly. Why would you sell your watch? Your hair will take years to get to the same length. Each person does not see what was sacrificed for them but sees the meaninglessness of their own sacrifice.
How sad this story would be.
One story I have changed is the Gift of the Magi. This story, if my 40 year old brain is still firring, is about a very poor couple who both make incredible sacrifices for each other and in the process make each others sacrifice meaningless. This is the story that 10th grade English Teachers use to teach irony.
I have always loved this story because I can imagine the couple opening there gifts and knowing that they are with the right person. They had chosen a partner who had given away their most prized possession for the person they loved. Each person, after realizing this, would share a gaze, a smile and the scene would fade.
What if...
After the gaze and smile, the couple starts to argue over their folly. Why would you sell your watch? Your hair will take years to get to the same length. Each person does not see what was sacrificed for them but sees the meaninglessness of their own sacrifice.
How sad this story would be.
